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About Literature / Hobbyist CaraFemale/Belgium Recent Activity
Deviant for 8 Years
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Statistics 506 Deviations 6,150 Comments 45,323 Pageviews

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The Girl Who Needed Time IV
Let me share something with you. I just mixed alcohol with my anti-depressants even though I’m not supposed to. Do you know why? Because I’m a little shit. There’s no more to it. I’m just a stupid shit and you shouldn’t waste your time with me. So don’t even bother rolling your eyes or clicking your tongue. Just don’t because that would make you a hypocrite and as much of a masochist as me. So don’t you dare point your stupid bloody finger at me and tell me that I’m doing it to myself and that I’m rotting away from the inside because I’m willingly swallowing the poison and that I’m wasting my life away when someone else would be so grateful to live it and fuck that and fuck you because nobody wants this and I wouldn’t wish this upon my very worst enemy. I wouldn’t want anyone else to take that stupid fucking knife and drag it across their skin enough to bite but not to cut just because they got triggere
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The Girl Who Needed Time III
"You still take Xanax?" she asks, befuddled.
"Of course I do. It's what keeps the thoughts from getting muddled. It keeps everything in a neat row. Keeps me from saying what you already know."
"Does your body really need all the medication, though? This is bad for you, kid, and you know that it's so."
"But if I didn't take it, how could I stop myself from pressing too deep? It's the only thing that keeps away the monsters that won't let me sleep. I need it, doctor, I need it to stop feeling the pain. I swear it's just for a while, just so I stay sane."
"That may be true, but even so. You should really cut back on the meds, kiddo. They're too strong for your small body, it can't handle the dose."
"But I NEED it doctor, without it I get too close! You don't understand, the vein is right under my skin, begging me, pleading that I not take the medicine! It's keeping me alive, doctor, it's keeping the blood where it belongs. It's keeping me from doing something horribly wrong."
"This is ser
:iconhazysunray:HazySunray 3 8
The Girl Who Needed Time II
I chew my nails to the quick
Drum of my anxious heart
Beating out world-sick
Pieces of lost art
It’s worth less
Than worthless,
Can only press
On in distress
And it goes on and on
And it won’t end
But though I’m not gone
I can pretend
Cause this heart is chockfull
Of regret and misery
Once you see it you’ll
Surely agree with me
So let me go
Just let me flee
It’s the only way I know
How to be
:iconhazysunray:HazySunray 2 0
The Girl Who Needed Time I
I cut my skin
And I bite my cheek
I push the pills onto my tongue
And I’m not proud
I am not thin
But I am weak
And not good for anyone
And I’m not proud
I know I’ll never win
Nor find what I seek
No matter how far I run
And I’m not proud
I live the greatest sin
I sew my future bleak
I cherish the barrel of the gun
And I’m not proud
I am not proud
I am not proud
How far should I go?!
How raw, how loud?!
Don’t you hear me?!
I’m bleeding
I’m bleeding
But I vow
I am not proud.
:iconhazysunray:HazySunray 4 4
Midnight Musings
It hits me at times
When I feel fortunate
And equally when I don’t
Because even when people
Assume that I would forget
I promise you that I won’t
Because it settles like
A painful, burning ache
That spreads through my body
And leaves pure devastation in its
fucking wake because I can laugh and talk
and hop, skip, crawl, and  walk, can hit the ground
and get back up, get on a plane and travel across Europe
And I can keep drinking until I cry
Until I glare and howl at the moon
“Why, motherfucker, why?!”
“Why him, and so soon?”
“Why did he
have to die?”
Because I can still see you
Standing there with your
Young head held high
And stupid curly blonde hair
And I know now, as much as I always
Have that it matters not whether I’m happy or sad
Because sadness is never fucking fair
And I will never stop thinking of you
Even if you’re not there
:iconhazysunray:HazySunray 4 15
Here’s a reminder that life isn’t fair:
I’m still here while you’re nowhere.
No more pages to turn,
Just stories to burn
And I’m still here.
Here’s a reminder that life isn’t just:
Your pale skin and bold hands have been turned to dust.
Still ashes to ashes is what they say
When they plead and cry; ‘God, take this pain away’.
And I’m still here.
Here’s a reminder that life isn’t clean:
Mary-Sue is wearing your old spleen.
They took apart your body like it was made of clay
Like bright-faced children eager for play
And I’m still here.
Here’s a reminder that life isn’t pure:
For your disease there was no cure
And yet they filled you with hope
And pumped you full of dope
And told you to be glad you were still here.
:iconhazysunray:HazySunray 3 4
No. No you don't fucking get it. You don't even get the fact that thinking about explaining it to you is making my blood rush through my veins and to my head and the room is spinning and I'm dizzy and I feel like I'm about to vomit - vomitar, la cabeza, la frente, la boca, los labios - and I can't make you understand that running up and down the stairs is not going to help. Nothing is going to help. Even taking the damn break knife I made my own fucking mother buy me and splicing the stupid skin covering my stupid body is not enough and - llamé, llamaste, llamó, llamamos, llamasteis, llamaron - it's coming up, not like word vomit but actual vomit and suddenly my body is on the floor and I can't breathe, I can't fucking breathe because I can pull the air in but I can't push it out and I'm such a failure, such a fucking failure that I can't even see through the tears blurring my vision and now I lost another five minutes and FUCK I don't have that kin
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It's a Xanax day
:iconhazysunray:HazySunray 1 0
what even
'cobalt is blue' he said
'cobalt is so very blue'
and he split the veins beneath skin so paper-thin it staunched whatever he had left to spill
she didn't tremble as she tore the strips of paper from his carcass and concurred;
'if you liked the poem
because it was easy to read
something obviously wasn't done right'
:iconhazysunray:HazySunray 4 5
He Will Be Missed
A tall pillar
Of wisdom
And infinite strength
There is no way to measure
Through some fancy sum
The happiness within its length
But we can see life’s road
And we can walk its bend
And we can see it through
Until the very end
And it’s all
Because of you,
Because of you,
Our dearest friend
In memory of Pepyn Theuwissen
:iconhazysunray:HazySunray 1 0
Cobalt by HazySunray Cobalt :iconhazysunray:HazySunray 12 2 Still with me by HazySunray Still with me :iconhazysunray:HazySunray 3 0
The space between my eyelashes
I did
But I don't
And I could
But I won't
And I should
But I can't
And you don't begin
To understand
How the bones
Melt through my skin
And poison the grit
Deep within
Underneath my veins and my
And I can't --
I just can't.
:iconhazysunray:HazySunray 6 6
Mature content
Dear Jari :iconhazysunray:HazySunray 1 5
I want. And that's the problem.
I want. And that's the problem.
I want I want I want.
I want slimmer thighs. I want more friends. I want to wake up beautiful. I want to be funny. I want nicer clothes. I want a sharper nose. I want my shit to smell like roses. I want to never have to worry about school or grades ever again.
I want a superpower. I want a gift. I want to be special. I want to be important. I want someone to wake up beside me. I want someone to hold my hand with glee. I want someone to lecture me when I do wrong. I want someone to correct my mistakes and soften the instruction with a pat on the shoulder.
I want to be talented. I want to be so good at something that I never want to stop. I want to have the guts to tell the guy I like how I feel about him. I want to live in a tipsy house surrounded by green. I want to stop worrying about my diet. I want to be smart.
I want to never make any mistakes. I want to stop digging my fingernails into the tender flesh covering my parietal bone. I want to fall aslee
:iconhazysunray:HazySunray 5 19
Deception by HazySunray Deception :iconhazysunray:HazySunray 4 3
Now you know what I'm up to (:


Neji: In Memory by 3ternal-Star Neji: In Memory :icon3ternal-star:3ternal-Star 103 48 Kiriban for ode2sokka by Lei-sam Kiriban for ode2sokka :iconlei-sam:Lei-sam 292 44 BIG BLUE ANGEL and LITTLE BAT by Haining-art BIG BLUE ANGEL and LITTLE BAT :iconhaining-art:Haining-art 735 18 Snow by stagparty Snow :iconstagparty:stagparty 25 0 READY TO MOVE? by NISSHIE READY TO MOVE? :iconnisshie:NISSHIE 1,211 106 Broken Tim by BACBAC-MIKI Broken Tim :iconbacbac-miki:BACBAC-MIKI 161 18 SPN: Safe and Sound by wolfsbaane SPN: Safe and Sound :iconwolfsbaane:wolfsbaane 244 20 SPN: No Fur by wolfsbaane SPN: No Fur :iconwolfsbaane:wolfsbaane 151 11 I Am a Moose by wolfsbaane I Am a Moose :iconwolfsbaane:wolfsbaane 93 9 Catch by wolfsbaane Catch :iconwolfsbaane:wolfsbaane 36 2 watching you by paranoidiomatic watching you :iconparanoidiomatic:paranoidiomatic 157 40 Up To You by Colours07 Up To You :iconcolours07:Colours07 218 9 Immolato 3 by Haining-art Immolato 3 :iconhaining-art:Haining-art 1,427 37 W E A K by Colours07 W E A K :iconcolours07:Colours07 74 10 H O M E by Colours07 H O M E :iconcolours07:Colours07 789 61 TimDrakeDoesBallet by clarkegilmore TimDrakeDoesBallet :iconclarkegilmore:clarkegilmore 160 7


by Luthiae

The colours in this shot are fantastic! The leaves were captured in beautiful lighting and at the correct distance for us to admire the...


Artist | Hobbyist | Literature

:bulletpink: Weird things about me
- I don't feel clean until I've thoroughly washed my hands
- I have to wash my hands when I enter a house
- I love all things Japanese
- I often count the steps of the stairs as I climb them
- I have an obsession with dramatic family hurt/comfort plot lines
- I have an unhealthy adoration for Tinkerbell
- I could drink diet coke with anything
- I'm afraid of lightning when it isn't raining
- I love doctor Cooper more than doctor Cullen
- The movie 'Shame' didn't take away my love for Michael Fassbender
- I buy tons of different perfumes I never finish (that's a lie, I just finished Daisy -- I could just pour it all over)
- Naruto withheld me from sinking into depression in my first year of high school
- I don't eat meat because I fear that somewhere in a parallel universe those packaged pieces of beef might be our very own flesh being sold at the local grocery store
- I solemnly swear that I am up to no good
i don't think i'm strong enough to be anorexic.
i have far too much topsy-turvy on the outside
to invite it in.
i don't think i've got it in me to claw at
the very back of my throat
just to lose myself.
i don't think i could stand the bitterness and
the acid-stains on my most prized possessions
just to end the story.
i don't think i'm brave enough
to lie to all my friends at lunch time
without losing their affections.
perhaps i should simply remove
every morsel and bite
from my plate and cupboards and
tell everyone
i'm full.


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tomboyish1dragon Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016  Student Traditional Artist
Happy Birthday. ^^ 
mercygraves7 Featured By Owner May 27, 2016  Student Artist
do you have a fanfiction account ? By the way love your stories!
Kiwi2005 Featured By Owner May 15, 2016  Student Digital Artist
I love the Itanaru fanfictions😍
sen22 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2015  Student General Artist
Happy Birthday, Hope u have an amazing day! Party
tomboyish1dragon Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
Happy Birthday. ^^
Misuzuchan Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey, is there any chance for a new Chapter of broken addict??? I would like to know what happens next 😍
PoetryOD Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2015
Thanks for the fave :love:
Zorocan Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
thanks for the fav! feel free to check out my webcomic, Shuun, as well :)
TFuruhashii Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2015
Thank you for the favourites!
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